Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Oxford Outpatients and Risky Business

Spent a day today at  my local hospital where I attended a outpatients appointment to check the state of my blood gasses and recovery after my recent respiratory collapse. I had tried to attend when I left Harefields last weekend but due to the large dose of steroids that I was on I had really upset digestion and had to cancel.
I had a blood gas test done and this showed normal levels of CO2 and normal sats.
When I saw the consultant she told me that she was very surprised that my levels had returned to such a good levels so soon, this was a very positive outcome.She said that she felt my problems were a direct result of the build up of CO2 and not as a result of infection as has been suspected.
This combined with the fact that my bronch has not shown any abnormality was very reassuring. She also said that my lung function was okay and that she was very pleased with my progress.We discussed how well I was coping with using the Bi Pad mask I said I was happy at present, but long term I would like to stop using it.
An agreement was reached for a 6 week follow up appointment to see how things progress and then a discussion could be had about trying to come off the mask if things continue to improve.

This last couple of  weeks I have been finding it quite hard. With the weekend in Harefields for biopsy and the worry about rejection, then relief to find that there was no abnormality found. Then having to cope with the high level of steroids and reducing those.I have not been good company for my family.
One thing I had not realised  is how stressed and irritated I have become, and my tolerance is at a low ebb!
This is something that requires a ability to let things go, a skill that I am lacking at present. I find that my irritability builds up too quickly till I find myself moaning and losing it about stupid crap.I hope that when my Prednisolone level return to normal so will my moods,I hope so.
Somehow I feel that my life is no longer my own since my transplant. The constant checking of  levels, temperature, lung function and weight can be a pain, but I am so glad for the ability to use and support these new lungs and keep them working well.
I need to find a point where I work with the new feelings that living with these new lungs causes me, but also incorporates my individuality  into back into my life. I feel that I have been too worried about the risks involved in the transplant process and now that it has happened I need to take more risks with the new life that I have been given.
To quote one of my all time favourite movies

Risky Business (1983)

Miles:(Curtis Armstrong) gives Joel Goodsen (Tom Cruise) some advice 
" you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.
"Say "what the fuck."... If you can't say it, you can't do it." 

So in the future I will try to remember another quote from Joel Goodsen (Tom Cruise)
"Sometimes you just gotta say, "What the fuck, make your move." 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank You :-)